So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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