Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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