at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
