I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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