your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
