I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
