As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
