She announced her abortion via fbk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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