arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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