I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can I color on your dick again?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize