i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
