you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
