Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
