I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
In America we eat man semen.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
