Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
