the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
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I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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