so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
