That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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