I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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