I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
