I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
