probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
