just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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