doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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