We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
