I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
