I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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