Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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