just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you. Go after that dick
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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