We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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