he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
