I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
