So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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