At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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