you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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