We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
