He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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