I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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