I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sobbing to NWA
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
