I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
