Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
