You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
