I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he puts the penis in happiness.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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