he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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