K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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