playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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