If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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