this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
