Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
