My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
