there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize