I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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