There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
