It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
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this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.