just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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