3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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