It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
