the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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