Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
