Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
