fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize