Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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