can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
