My Higher Power is John Stamos
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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