put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize