No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
