stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
