She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
