yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i think we sleep fucked last night...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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