glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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