the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
