guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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