I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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