He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
