Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
