whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
