Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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