I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
