Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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